Made in Ecuador

Lazy day March 16, 2008

So I had a personal breakdown yesterday full of screeching, ranting and breaking things! Actually the last one isn’t true.  Although sometimes I feel like going to the dollar store and buying a $10 worth of glass.  I feel better now, sometimes I just feel like the whole world depends on me to be a perfect person, make the perfect decisions, look perfect.  I’ve realized that it’s not something that people have imposed on me, but something I expect from myself.  Most days I am a confident woman, grateful for the people and things in my life.  Sometimes though I feel so pressured to be on.  What I mean is that there are days when I want to be quiet and still and just be and yet I feel like people don’t like that about me.  It’s true as I’m writing this I’ve realized something else- I still care about what people think about me.  Uuugh I need head space from myself.  I need to stop thinking and just be.

So I’ve vegged for most of the day and now I’m studying with my sweet bird and I’m happy.  It’s weird how being around her and other close friends, gives me peace.  If only I had a hidden video camera and then you could see her craziness, hahaha she’s high and getting me high very slowly.  It’s almost 6….I need to put adelle away.